Stop Self Judging, NOW
A prerequisite to self-actualization, achieving dreams, and conquering mental health is silencing our inner critic.
It’s the day of my graduation from Harvard Law School and I’m celebrating with family and friends. After I give a brief speech to the closest people in my world, I sit back down. As I sigh a breath of relief, a little voice in my head tells me: “you should have stood on the other side of the room. The people right in front of you had to crane their necks to see you. You idiot!”
I meekly agree in my mind before digging back into my brussel sprouts.
How often do we allow the little critic inside our minds distort our sense of reality, self, and perception of the world? How much damage has it already done to us, and therefore to others around us?
How much of humanity has suffered because we have allowed our inner critics to take over our minds, guide our behavior, and create judgments?
Perhaps the most important piece of advice told to me during my own mental health journey battling severe anxiety was to put an end to self-judging. As the son of immigrant parents who sacrificed everything to help me achieve what I have in my life, my inner critic never let me off the hook: “you can’t handle this because you’re weak.” “do you know what your mom went through to get you here? Your problems aren’t even real!” “You have food on the table and a roof over your head. How can you seriously complain?”
These ideas locked me in place developmentally for the better part of a year, as I suffered by my own hand and failed to give myself the compassion that I truly needed to move forward.
Self-judging holds us in place and hamstrings our growth. Instead of taking a leap and letting you follow your heart, the inner critic wants you to stay right where you are, and worse than that, drag your morale down so you have even less energy to fight your many battles. Your inner critic does not care about any achievement you’ve accomplished, because it will never be enough for them. Your inner critic will foment and maintain mental illness because they are hell-bent on tearing you down instead of raising you up. Your inner critic is the leech on your soul that will never stop sucking the life out of you so long as you let it.
The inner critic weakens, drains, and saps us of fulfillment in our lives.
The good thing is that we always have a choice as to whether we will silence and battle our inner critic. We can create another voice in us — the voice of our biggest fan, our #1 supporter, our coach, our therapist — our best friend.
Each time you find the self-judging and inner critic speaking up, respond to it as if you were your own best friend. Would you let that inner critic tell your best friend something as rude or inconsiderate as “your speech for your graduation from law school sucked because you didn’t stand five feet to the left”? I definitely wouldn’t. Begin identifying what your inner critic is saying, and start fighting back — if you’re anything like me, your inner critic has likely been uncontested for most of your life, having free reign over your mental health.
It’s time that you give it the battle — and ultimately the loss — that it deserves.
If conquering mental illness is your goal. If achieving good grades is your goal. If raising your children well is your goal. Or a promotion. An athletic achievement. Losing a couple of pounds. Skipping that vape or cigarette. Taking a deep breath. Relaxing. No matter what you want from life, ceasing the self-judgment will help get you there faster. Silencing the inner critic will propel you forward. Being your own best friend will show you that you are never alone because you will always have you to lean on.
It will give you the fuel to continue fighting your battles, whatever they may be.
