The Worst They Can Say is No
And you’ll end up right back where you started.
In life, things do not necessarily come to those who wait. In fact, more often than not, things come to those who take. Things come to those who ask. Who demand. Who put themselves out there. Who make an offer.
It matters less how one asks, and more that action is taken to communicate a want.
My father had a very special phrase that he would use when he would negotiate with companies, ask hostesses’ for a better table at a restaurant, or try to get room upgrades at hotels: “remember — the worst that they can say is no.”
The worst that they can say is no.
These eight words have resonated in my mind as I’ve pursued interviews with law firms, fundraising from donors for school organizations, even making friends and offering up hangouts. They have motivated me to put myself out of my comfort zone more times than I can count and gain more from the world than I otherwise ever would have. At the same time, using this philosophy has taught me an important life lesson: the fear of rejection is just that — a fear. Ultimately if rejection occurs (as I learned many times by asking for things) — if “no” is the answer — then I’m right back where I started.
Nothing really changed.
Sure, I may not have gotten what I wanted that specific time. But there’s an angle here: in negotiating, it usually gives you leverage as a party when you have made an offer and been rejected. So even the act of asking and not receiving has given me leverage, simply because the other person had to turn me down. Asking — even if you are rejected — will still give you something, even if it doesn’t happen at that moment.
The beauty of this philosophy is that it applies to truly anything. Small things like when the restaurant gives you lukewarm coffee when you preferred it hot. Big things like emotional presence and quality time in a relationship. Day-by-day things like asking the folks at the mechanic if they are running any discounts for health care workers or the military. Career things like if your manager will allow you to work remotely to visit your partner who lives abroad. School things like requesting an extension on your paper if you have a medical or mental health emergency.
Life things.
Once the world stopped seeming like a place teeming with rejection, harsh realities, and a lone wolf videogame, and more like a natural place where sometimes people say yes, sometimes people say no, and most of the time, nobody really cares, it became less about worrying about my self-esteem and about pondering what I want, and taking action to get it. Most people do the pondering, but not many take the action.
Just remember the next time you are hesitating to ask that question, make that request, go up to that person at the bar, offer yourself up for an opportunity at your job, or take action: the worst that they can say is no.
And many times, you will be surprised by the response.
